Advice from Hula Rox....

I ran across this piece of advice on a friends Facebook wall... Too imporatant to not pass on.


Tue at 9:17pm
Throughout the course of our lives here on earth, we come across many opportunities to be good to one another. That is, until we get married - then all bets are off ...as are the proverbial gloves.

First things first....KNOCK IT OFF!!!

For twenty years I have been married to the moodiest, most hard headed human being that I have ever had both the joy and ...I don't know what to call it...whatever that other thing is that isn't so great of learning about the meaning of Love and how important it is for each of us to have the capacity to Love. Without that capacity to Love, we cannot know the capacity to care, nor respect, nor to choose between what is worth fighting for and what is just a bunch of crap that has erupted between you and your loved one. Knowing these things is vital to the longevity of any relationship.

Before you jump into the moshpit, know first how far the floor is and especially who is going to have their arms up to catch you when you jump.

Ladies, first...

We gals are HORRIBLE at knowing the difference between being cautious and caring and being a mother hen. We want so badly for the men in our lives to love us without regard to the fact that we are human, prone to speaking without thinking, to our wanting to be both the damsel in distress as well as the lioness on the prowl. We want them to be the man we love and at the same time we want them to be our best girlfriend! What the hell is that all about?

Let a man be a man, dammit.

Men, ladies, are going to do men things, and one of those men things is the never-going-to-go-away ability to appreciate beauty in other women. The fun part about this, especially for women who are wives and not only the significant others, is that we expect our men -that's right...I am talking to you, and you, and you, and I speak from having been the harpie I am about to describe - to no longer be biological creatures. MEN ARE ANIMALS, and so are we, and when we want to look at another man and appreciate his beauty, we are going to do it, because like the guys, we are also biological creatures.

Girls, you cannot stop biology. I must have written about this topic over 100 times already, and still- all y'all seem to think that your man - men in general - are going to stop being mammals. THEY ARE NOT, and neither are you. When was it again that you were the only female on the planet?

Turning your man into your best girlfriend is NEVER going to happen, and if it does, well, then...nevermind that. You can cry on his shoulders, and ask him to hug you and make you feel better, but you cannot expect this heaping ape to understand what it is that you are thinking, how you think, or even to understand you completely. Sure, he can tell you that he understands you, but in reality he is telling you what you want to hear (Basically doing what you want him to...trying to please you, duh), trying his damnedest to be the man you love - NOT the girlfriend you go to when you need to pitch a bitch about him. This is where a lot of us -again, including me...many, many moons ago- screw up, big time. Ladies, men can never understand what goes through our heads. They can only watch the patterns that inevitably are created over time.

We want them to care, but we want them to do it OUR way. They can't do it that way. They are guys, silly.

One more thing that is terribly important is the idea that whether we like it or not, we are not smarter than the guys, even as we know that they are not smarter than we are. Our smarts and their smarts are two different smarts, and regardless if we like it or not, like us treating them like our best girlfriends, we can never know what they are thinking, because they are GUYS...not girls. Get it right, ok?

They are GUYS !! GET IT RIGHT !!! Yeesh !

Ok guys, your turn

Guys, we love you - LOVE you- and just knowing that, it is high time that you ALL realized that you are NOT smarter than we are, even though you might physically be bigger than we are. Where have you been taking your cues from? Episodes of Family Guy? There is no need to try to make your girl cry, because I promise that eventually there will be a reason for her to cry and you do not need to help her any. She's a girl - we were made for tears and we look better crying, ok?

In the case of your wife staying at home while you work? OK buddy, lemme tell you what - you wanted her to be home with those kids. Hell, you wanted her to be home before the kids, and now when money is tight you want her to work. Lemme tell you something else, dude - you are not the one who makes or breaks her, she had a life prior to your chance meeting, and right now would be the best time to shut the hell up and let her be who she is, no matter if it brings you home any money or not. Notice that I said "You," because this is the way that it normally comes out of your gaping pie hole the moment that you feel like you have no more ammunition to strike her with - you bring out the only thing that you can bring out, and that is not cool.

I mean yeah, she could have worked, and you could have stayed home with the kids, but that is not how it turned out. You are the man, and though these are different times than the days of Lucy, Ricky, Fred, Ethel and the Bradys, women still hurt, still cry, still get mad as hell, and in some cases, still get the house, the kids, the car, half YOUR money (let's not forget that one, shall we? You keep reminding her of this - KNOCK IT OFF!)...get the message, hero? Yeesh !

You do not own her, sir. You are not her employer. She is not "better off with" you than she was before she met you. She is not property. She is not there for you to dump all over when none of your football buddies (You know - that bunch of apes you watch football with who you tend to treat like gold, you moron?) even see that side of you! Get over your damned selves and understand that you are not your wife's babysitter, not her keeper, she sure the hell ain't in debt to you, and please, fellas - understand that your wife, girlfriend, significant other, bootie call girl - NONE of these women wants to hear about what other women look like, and copping to the idea and the excuse that she is your best friend is not a good excuse to make her think that she is not good enough, pretty enough, anything enough- and quit comparing her to those women on the GGW videos. They are not real women. They are still kids. Women - real ones - the ones who KNOW they are goddesses, would NEVER do what those girls do.

No, really...we wouldn't- unless we want to, but that is another story all together.

EVERYBODY

When was it ok that we should take the time to store up all these resentments toward one another. We are together for a reason - Love. If we cannot see to it to love one another even with all of our ugliness and our human beingness, then we have no reason to be together, period. This year I have been witness to heartache like none before. I stand on the edge of the end of an era, and I am prepared to deal with it. However, I am going to state now that not everyone is. Many, many marriages are ending, and many, many hearts are being broken on purpose this season, and that is a hell of a way to ring in the new year, ain't it?

We can learn, or we can burn

We want everything to stay the same all the time, but that is not the way that life works. Life and living both evolve, and we are supposed to evolve with it so that we can aspire to yet even higher expectations of ourselves, let alone others, especially our betrothed. When we split up we want to be evil to them, make them pay for sins that were only sins in our thinking when what they said or did was not a sin in their own minds.

How many times is anyone going to have to be told that we can only change ourselves, that trying to make someone else be who we want them to be just is not going to work? Are you not tired of trying to make someone else be who they are not? Better yet - are you not sick to death of other people trying to change you?

We can either learn from all of this, or we can burn angrily from it all, but nothing really matters unless we realize that deep inside the heart of that moron you married is that person who was special enough for you to even sign legal documents stating that you would love, honor, respect, cherish...but that obey thing - that has GOT to go...

Be good to one another. It's Christmas time, dammit.
That is all...

I LOVE YOU ALL !!

MAPU

"MAPU', also known as Roxanne Cottell, is a writer and choreographer living in the Los Angeles area. Please search for "Hula ROX!" and become a fan. For information about her hula classes please send a private message